Monday, January 23, 2012
What to Expect when your Expecting......
When I found out I was expecting my first baby almost 24 years ago. The first thing I did was by this book... it was going to tell me everything.... then 2 years later when I was expecting my 2nd baby. I questioned everyone I knew who had more than one child. I needed to know how I could love another child as much as this one.....When my 3rd child was born 16 years after the first there was the internet. I signed up for every pregnancy site I could find. I was going to know everything and be prepared...Super MOM!
Well my first lesson as a mom was throw away the book.....
It said MOST expecting mom's would have morning sickness for the first trimester.....Wrong! Here I was at week 32 and still vomiting day and night. And now a new twist (not in the book either) My water breaks at 32 weeks..... Well I guess I don't have any plans today , I may as well have a baby 8 weeks earlier than planned. So on February 13th 1988 at 9:14 pm my tiny ginger headed baby boy was born. He was so tiny at 5lbs 2 oz the smallest baby I have ever seen! He was in a NICU only I don't remember them calling it that then. He had an NG Tube ( didn't learn the official name of it until years later!) to feed him as well as bottles. No Breast feeding he was too little...( B.S I learned years later). He had a very intimidating IV in his head....It was very scary to hold him. I just got him, I didn't want to break him already , by poking him in the brain... lol After what seemed like an eternity I was able to bring him home 9 days later. He was discharged at 4lbs 11 oz . A number that will be very familiar later in life. Tyler grew and progressed very well once he started gaining weight. He wasn't anything like they said he would be. He wasn't delayed at all sat, crawled , talked and walked all on time. The book was a of no help at all........
When we decide it's time for another baby, I pull out the book again. This time I am going to get my money's worth out of it..lol Again, I am the exception to the rule of MOST morning sickness goes away by the 2nd trimester.....I am a week away from my due date and I still have morning, afternoon and all night sickness....lol But other than that it has been a great pregnancy. I believed it was a girl but we didn't know for sure. The baby wouldn't co-operate with the ultra sound tech...Right there was foreshadowing! I should have known 100% it's a girl!
Two weeks shy of Tyler's 2nd Birthday. He became a big brother......to a beautiful pink chubby baby sister. She was the most beautiful baby little rosebud lips so pink and healthy looking. She was so big at 6lb 14 oz...lol She still holds the record for my biggest baby! It all happened so fast delivered on Friday January 26th 1990 at 8:45 pm and I was home Monday morning... baby too! Life was great! And I didn't need a book!
Tyler and Megan grew into happy healthy babies, toddlers, pre-schoolers then school kids. And I was doing okay without a book telling me how to raise my kids.....Yes, temper tantrums, time outs, and grounding were all part of the course. So were hugs, pictures paintings and the "you’re the best MOM in the world" cards . Growing up as an only child it was a whole new world for me this sibling thing! Love and hate all in 2 minutes lol.Y es I had days when I couldn't wait for them to be in school or grown up and not give me a hard time or talk back. I looked forward to the day I didn't fall over a backpack left right in front of the door. But all in all being a mom was easy!
Then came the teenage years things were starting to get a little tougher...time outs were gone... all I could cling to was computer time, no mall , sleepovers and grounding...Oh THESE are the years that all parents warn new parents about! I can do it! My kids are good in school and well behaved individuals. So let's add a new baby to the mix..... A 14 yr old a 16yr old and a newborn.....AM I NUTS????
This time I join every pregnancy website.I get updates daily , weekly and monthly on my baby's development. Both Tyler and Megan are into this with my husband and I. We are a family. Each one of us had hopes and dreams for this new baby. Tyler wanted a boy, Megan wanted a girl , Steven thought a girl would be nice but either way would be cool. We all had input in choosing a name for this baby. It became clear very early on this was the family's baby ...I was going to have to share!
The day Tyler got his beginner driver license he also learned he was going to have another little sister.....Megan was over the moon as the doctor told us It's a Girl! Oh she had plans for her little sister. July was going to be a very exciting time for our family!
Again the pregnancy sites lead you to believe the morning sickness goes away ... well at 23 weeks I finally cave and get a prescription from my doctor. (well that's an improvement in the past 14 yrs). This baby is only 23 weeks gestation and in on my nerve already. Sciatic that is. I hope she moves or it's going to be a long 6 months. Then on a sunny March morning our world changed as we know it. At 23weeks my secret fear happened , earlier then even I imagined. My water broke, how can this be? We all have plans for this little girl? Our family is waiting for her. Six days later, a fragile tiny 1lb 4 oz red baby girl is delivered via emergency c-section(also not in my plan)I didn't even read about those in the book or on the websites..they weren't for me. It was very difficult to watch my girl struggle to live.... yet in some ways inspiring. Here she was so tiny and yet fighting so hard. Maybe I should have read more pregnancy books... I didn't know what to do.........I am a mom with a 16 yr and 14 yr old and I have no clue what to do next. Parenting had been a piece of cake until now. What do I tell my kids about their little sister? How do I take their fears away? How can I make it better? What about this little girl in the box her artificial womb? I felt like suddenly being a mom wasn't all it was made out to be. I couldn't help the sick child and I couldn't tell the other 2 it was going to be okay. Where is the book for when this happens??????
Paige got bigger and stronger after many months of ups and downs we finally brought her home.... weighing 4lbs 11 oz
Whew.... I made it. It was some of the most challenging times in my life I had to find things in me I didn't think I had. My kids were all home now crisis over. Life can go on and I didn't need a book!
Time has a way of moving us along the road of life, high school, proms, graduations, first loves, first heart aches , first words, first steps. Then comes college,university and jobs. Moving in with significant others. Moving out of town to start their own life. Using all the knowledge I had hoped they would learn in Life. Look at me I have 2 real Grown Ups! Isn't this what I always dreamed of for them?
I raised them to be independent, self-sufficient and confident individuals. I am so proud of myself they are great people. Great employees ,friends great people all around. Sometimes I feel robbed of my children, I know sounds weird. But those kids I sat up with when they had fevers. That I held while they cried or when they were scared. The ones I told I believed in them when they didn't believe in themselves....are grown and I miss them.
This is where you need the book.......Pregnancy is nature it takes its own course. As I know all too well. I need a book now that tells me how to let those children go ad not miss them so much. Don't get me wrong I am happy beyond measure for their successes. But allowing them to make mistakes, decisions and not being the first person they come to with a big decision is hard. I am very close to both of them and they both still confide in me and for that I am grateful. But I am embarking on a new "Mom Role" and it is by far the hardest one yet. I am still adjusting to my new "place" in their lives. It is very hard sometimes when it's a few days in between talking to them or seeing them. I am facing birthdays where I may not see them. What happened to the parties in the McDonald's train??? I need to put my birthday plans in where they have time if at all. :( We all think it will be easy until we are there. It's not about not wanting them to succeed, it's about my life has been about them for so long. We are naive enough think we need to let our children go, but in actual fact they let us go.
I sometimes feel for Paige. I am never going to let this one grow up!!!!! lol Then boom I turn around and there is an almost 8 yr old asking to go on the computer....
Now I need the book ...... (What to Expect when your child is an adult......)
"Whatever road you choose, I am right behind you win or lose"~ Rod Stewart-Forever Young
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3 comments:
Just got home from work and don't have time to read but will come back later tomorrow. Girl, you got to post your pics too..People not only need to see that 'miracle' but your amazing photography!!!!!!
This post brought tears to my eyes. I so related to watching your chilren go and having to let go..SIGH...another one..SIGH. this was beautiful Michelle and spoke volumes to me..and by the way, LOVE your banner...I 'know' those feet!! lol
Ok, when you make a post you will see the icon LINK, right after that is the one you will click on to get to your pics...((hugs))
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