Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

When I was a little girl I loved my dolls.  I liked  Barbies but my baby dolls were my favourite. I played dolls until I was probably too old to be  playing dolls. Baby Chrissy and Sarah Nella were my favourites. My dolls were like real people to me. I dressed them,fed them  and  took care of them. I dreamed one day of having a baby girl of my own. I would call her Megan. I loved the name  because I thought  she can  be Meg, Megan, Meggie .... all nice nicknames. It was a nice name for a baby, little girl or adult. There decided now all I had to do was grow up get married and  have my Megan!

Many years later my dolls are in a box(yes, I still had them). My first baby was a boy he was cute and fun but I couldn't dress him in all the dresses....Then on January 26th 1990 my baby Megan was born. She was everything I had dreamed since a little girl. She was always dressed in pink or purple. Usually in a dress with little shoes. I changed her  like a doll.

As Megan  got older she just  got cuter. I had so much fun with her. she loved dolls as much as I did. We  would play house I was "grandma". Just like my dad did for me....I babysat the dolls. Megan's favourite doll was Suzie Stretch. Suzie  went everywhere with Megan. Suzie is no small doll...lol
When Megan was 6 she had her first surgery on her leg. Suzie was able to to go where even mommy couldn't the OR. She went right into the operating room with her. Suzie  had a bike seat on the back of Megan's bike and Megan rode everywhere with her in the seat. Suzie wore Megan's clothes. Suzie is a secret keeper, listener and a sponge for tears at times. Santa  did did a great job in finding Megan a Suzie Stretch doll back in 1996.~Thank-you Santa

My little girl may live in her own apartment now but Suzie  still sits on a chair in her living room. I look forward to the day I am "grandma" again with Megan's own children. I know she will be a great mom one day. I am very proud of you Megan. I love you  more then all the books in the world !!
Happy Birthday , Love your Momma xo

Life After Work....

Buzz... goes my alarm it's 7:30 and I need to get up for work. Oh, wait no I don't. I no longer have a job. For 10yrs I got up everyday, got ready for work, got my Tim Horton's and drove the 2.2km to work! Yes, I could have walked and at times I did! After 10 yrs at the same company my job was gone...my department closed. It was was something I had dreamed of..yes that's right. I wasn't happy with the company I worked for  although for most of the 10 years I liked my job. The pay was an other story...It wasn't a real suprise the writing had been on the wall for a couple of years. After letting go of my boss they never really properly replaced him. The work load changed and it became clear as I  watched co-workers in other cities lose their job like mine. I was going to hold out for a  package and then I would be gone. Well, that was last July.


The timing was great my youngest daughter was off school for the summer holidays. I had been at stay at home home when my older children were young. I had always wished I could be home with  Paige, but oligations just didn't allow that. I had a decent job with decent (not great pay) pay and flexibily with time off, sick days and 4 weeks vacation. Hey this job sounds great..lol I don't have formal education so I never really thought about leaving on my own. I knew I would need this push.....

Everyone was so happy for me , I got what I wanted ....out! The first few weeks were like vacation it was great. Paige and I did everything we could.  Then back to school came...I was happy I could drive and pick her up from school myself. I was able to go to school and meet  parents I had only heard about from  Paige or my husband. I was the "new mom on the playground". I enjoy that I can go on trips (there hasn't been any...lol ) and I joined a committee for  teaching the rosary to the kids in our school. Although I am only  a back up person it's cool. 

It's ironic that I wanted to be home with Paige and now I am  and she's in school...I haven't seriously started to look for a new job yet. It's something I dread, I have had 1 interview in 10yrs(I didn't get the job). Although I have admin skills coming out the wazoo..... I am not sure what I can do. I am not good at selling  myself or  coming up with the right things to say.  Those that know me it sounds funny as I talk  a lot ! I am also going to be 43 in a week. Yikes!

Being home  brings it's own worries,  my finances  are not the same as they were. And sometimes I get bored, although  there are a million things I could be doing  or want to do I don't. Still with all this  I like  being  here for my family. 

So I will enjoy being home while I can....   

What to Expect when your Expecting......

When I found out I was expecting my first baby almost 24 years ago. The first thing I did  was  by this book... it was going to tell me everything....  then 2 years later when I  was expecting my 2nd baby. I questioned everyone I knew who had more than one child. I needed to know how I could love another child as much as this one.....When my 3rd child was born 16 years after the first there was the internet. I signed up for every pregnancy site I could find. I was going to know everything and be prepared...Super MOM! 




Well my first lesson as a mom was throw away the book.....




It said   MOST expecting mom's  would have morning sickness for the first trimester.....Wrong! Here I was at week 32 and still vomiting day and night. And now a new twist (not in the book either) My water breaks at 32 weeks..... Well I guess I  don't have any plans today , I  may as well have a baby 8 weeks earlier than planned. So on February 13th 1988 at 9:14 pm my  tiny ginger headed baby boy was born. He was so tiny at 5lbs 2 oz the smallest baby I have ever seen! He was in a NICU only I don't remember them calling it that then.  He had an NG Tube ( didn't learn the official name of it until years later!) to feed him as  well as bottles. No Breast feeding he was too little...( B.S I learned years later). He had a very intimidating IV in his head....It was very scary to hold him. I just got him, I didn't want to break him already , by poking him in the brain... lol After what seemed like an eternity I was able to  bring him home 9 days later.  He was discharged at 4lbs 11 oz .  A number that will be very familiar later in life. Tyler grew and progressed very well once he started gaining weight. He wasn't anything like they said he  would be. He wasn't delayed at all  sat, crawled , talked and walked all on time. The  book  was a of no help at all........




When we decide it's time for another baby, I pull out the book again. This time I am going to get my money's worth out of it..lol Again, I am the exception to the rule of MOST morning sickness goes away by the 2nd trimester.....I am a week away from  my due date and I still have morning, afternoon and all night sickness....lol But other than that it has been a great pregnancy. I believed it was  a girl but we didn't know for sure. The baby  wouldn't co-operate with the ultra sound tech...Right there was foreshadowing!  I should have known 100%  it's a girl! 
Two weeks shy of Tyler's 2nd Birthday. He became a big brother......to a beautiful pink  chubby baby sister. She was the most beautiful baby little rosebud lips so  pink and healthy looking. She was so big at 6lb 14 oz...lol  She still holds the record for my biggest baby! It all happened so fast delivered on Friday January 26th 1990 at 8:45 pm  and I  was home Monday morning... baby too! Life was great!  And I didn't need a book! 








Tyler and Megan grew into happy healthy babies, toddlers, pre-schoolers  then school kids. And I was doing okay  without a book telling me how to  raise my kids.....Yes, temper tantrums, time outs, and grounding  were all part of the course. So were hugs, pictures paintings and the "you’re the best MOM in the world" cards . Growing up as an only child it was a whole new world for  me this sibling  thing!  Love and hate all in 2 minutes lol.Y es I had days when  I couldn't wait for them to be in  school or  grown up and not give me a hard time or talk back. I looked forward to the day I didn't fall over a backpack left  right in front of the  door.  But all in all  being a mom was easy! 




Then came the teenage years things were starting to get a little tougher...time outs were gone... all I could cling to was computer time, no mall , sleepovers and grounding...Oh THESE  are the years that all  parents warn  new parents about! I can do it!  My kids are good in school and well behaved individuals. So let's add a new baby  to the mix..... A 14 yr old a 16yr old and a newborn.....AM I NUTS????  




This time I join every pregnancy  website.I get updates daily , weekly and monthly on my baby's development. Both  Tyler and Megan  are into this  with my husband and I. We are a family. Each one of us  had hopes and dreams for this new baby. Tyler wanted a boy, Megan wanted a girl , Steven thought a girl would be nice  but either way would be cool. We  all had input in choosing a name for this baby. It became clear very early on this was the family's baby ...I was going to have to share! 
The day Tyler got his beginner driver license  he also learned he was going to have another  little sister.....Megan was over the moon as the doctor told us It's a Girl! Oh she had plans for her little sister. July was going to be a very exciting time for our family! 




Again the pregnancy sites lead you to believe the morning sickness goes away ... well at 23 weeks I finally cave and  get a prescription from my doctor. (well that's an improvement in the past 14 yrs). This baby  is  only  23 weeks gestation and in on my nerve already. Sciatic that is. I hope she moves or it's going to be a long 6 months.  Then on a sunny March morning  our world changed as we know it. At 23weeks  my secret fear happened , earlier then even I imagined. My water broke, how can this be? We all have plans for this little girl? Our family is waiting for her. Six days later, a fragile tiny 1lb 4 oz  red baby girl is delivered via emergency c-section(also not in my plan)I didn't even  read about those in the book or on the websites..they weren't for me.  It was very difficult  to watch my girl struggle to live.... yet in some ways  inspiring. Here she was so tiny and yet fighting so hard. Maybe I should have read more pregnancy books... I didn't know what to do.........I am a mom with a 16 yr and 14 yr old and I have no clue what to do next. Parenting  had been a piece of cake until now. What do I tell my kids about their little sister? How do I take their fears away? How can I make it better? What about this little girl in the box her artificial womb? I felt like suddenly being a mom wasn't  all it was made out to be. I couldn't help the sick child and I couldn't tell the other 2 it was going to be okay. Where is the book  for when this happens?????? 
Paige  got  bigger and stronger after many months  of ups and downs  we finally brought her home.... weighing 4lbs 11 oz
Whew.... I made it. It was some of the most challenging times in my life I had to find things in me I didn't think I had. My kids were all home now crisis over. Life  can go on and I didn't need a book! 




Time  has a way of moving us  along the road of life, high school, proms,  graduations, first loves, first heart aches , first words, first steps. Then comes college,university and  jobs. Moving in with significant others. Moving out of town to start  their own life. Using all the knowledge I had hoped they would learn in Life.  Look at me I have 2 real Grown Ups!  Isn't this what I always dreamed of for them? 




I raised them to be independent, self-sufficient and confident individuals. I am so proud of myself they are great people. Great employees ,friends  great people all around. Sometimes I feel robbed of my children, I know sounds weird. But those kids I sat up with when they had fevers. That I held while they cried  or when they were scared. The ones I told I believed in them   when they didn't believe in themselves....are grown and I miss them. 




This is where you need the book.......Pregnancy  is nature it takes its own course. As I know all too well.  I need a book now that tells me how to let those children go ad not miss them so much. Don't get me wrong I am happy  beyond measure  for their successes. But allowing them to make mistakes,  decisions and not being the  first person they come to with a big decision  is hard. I am very close to both of them  and they both still confide in me  and for that I am grateful.  But I am embarking on  a new "Mom Role" and it is by far the hardest one yet.  I am still adjusting to my new "place" in their lives. It is very hard sometimes when it's a few days in between talking to them  or seeing them. I  am facing birthdays where I may not see them. What happened to the parties in the McDonald's train??? I need to put my birthday plans  in where they have time  if at all. :(   We all think it will be easy  until we are there. It's not about not wanting them to succeed, it's about my life has been about them  for so long. We are naive enough think we need to let our children go, but in actual fact they let us go. 




I sometimes feel for Paige. I am never going to let this one grow up!!!!! lol   Then boom I  turn around and there is an almost 8 yr old asking to go on the computer....  




Now I need the book ...... (What to Expect when your child is an adult......)




"Whatever road you choose, I am right behind you win or lose"~ Rod Stewart-Forever Young